Greetings, all my friends. Love and blessings, help and inner
strength are coming forth, to sustain you and help you open up your innermost
being so that you can bring all levels of your being into life, thereby creating
a beautiful wholeness with your entire being.
In this lecture I want to talk about meditation. Of course,
I have spoken about it many times before. I have mentioned that there are
many approaches to meditation. But this time I will speak about the act of
meditation in a more comprehensive way, to help you use it more effectively
and meaningfully. In order to really understand the dynamics, the meaning,
and the process of meditation -- and hence to derive the maximum benefit from
it -- you must be clear about some psychic laws I have discussed elsewhere
in these lectures. For example, it is important to understand that three fundamental
layers of personality must be involved if meditation is to be truly effective.
These three fundamental personality levels we may call:
(1) the conscious ego level -- with all the conscious knowing
and willing that man has at his disposal,
(2) the unconscious egotistical child level -- with all its
ignorance, its destructiveness, its claim for omnipotence, and
(3) the supra-conscious Universal Self -- with its superior
wisdom, power, and love, and with its comprehensive understanding of the events
in man's life.
In effective meditation the conscious ego level activates both
the unconscious egotistical, destructive self and the supra-conscious superior
Universal Self. A constant interaction must take place between these levels.
In order to make this constant interaction possible, your conscious ego self
must attain a tremendous amount of alertness and wakefulness..
The conscious ego must be completely determined to allow the
unconscious egotistical self to reveal itself, to unfold, to manifest in awareness.
As I said before, this is not as difficult nor as easy as it may seem. It
is difficult exclusively, my friends, because you fear not being as perfect,
as evolved, as good, as rational, and as ideal as you want to be -- and even
pretend to be. You try so hard that the ego becomes convinced of its perfection
on the surface of consciousness. This surface conviction is constantly counteracted
by the unconscious knowledge that this is not so. The result is that secretly
the whole personality feels fraudulent and terrified of exposure. It is an
important sign of self-acceptance and growth for a human being to allow the
egotistical, irrational, outrightly destructive child to manifest, and to
acknowledge it with all the specific details of its expression. This alone
will prevent the dangerous indirect manifestation -- with which the consciousness
is not connected -- so that the undesirable results of this indirect manifestation
seem to come from the outside. Meditation must deal with this aspect if it
is not to be a lopsided endeavor.
The egotistical infant's anti-social desires and claims, convictions
and attitudes must be exposed in exact detail. It seems hard to accept that
there is something in you that is so very different from the way you want
to be and from the way you think of yourself as being. Meditation must constantly
encourage this self-revelation -- not only generally speaking, but primarily
as to the specific daily situations you are involved in that are unpleasant
or unsatisfactory.
The conscious ego must reach down and say: "Whatever
is in me, whatever negativity and destructiveness is hidden in me, should
be out in the open. I want to see it. I commit myself to seeing it, regardless
of my hurt vanity. Wherever I am stuck, I want to be aware of how I deliberately
refuse to see my negativity and how I therefore over-concentrate on the wrongs
of others." This is the one direction of meditation.
The other direction must point toward the universal, higher
self, which has powers that surpass the limitations of the conscious self.
These higher powers should be called upon for the very same purpose, exposing
the destructive little self so that its resistance is overcome. Ego will alone
may be incapable of accomplishing this. But the ego can and must meditate
to request the higher powers to help. The Universal Consciousness should also
be asked for help so that your consciousness understands the expressions of
the destructive infant correctly, proportionately, without exaggeration, and
without going to the opposite extreme from before, when you were not aware
of its existence at all. A person can easily fluctuate from an outer self-aggrandizement
to a hidden self-demoting. When the lower self reveals itself, the person
could fall prey to believing this destructive self to be the final, ultimate,
sad reality. You must constantly ask the guidance of the universal self to
help you see the full reality about revealing the egotistical infant.
When the infant begins to express itself more freely -- because
the ego allows this and receives these expressions as an interested, open
listener -- collect the material for further study. What reveals itself should
be explored as to its origin, results, and further ramifications. What underlying
misconceptions are responsible for the overt self-destruction, the hate, the
spite, the malice, and the ruthless selfwill coming out? When the misconceptions
are being recognized, guilt and self-hate diminish proportionately. What are
the results of the momentary satisfaction of giving in to these destructive
impulses? When the consequences are clearly worked through, the inner determination
to be destructive weakens -- again, proportionately to the full understanding
of the particular cause and effect. When this part of the pathwork is glossed
over and taken for granted without particular and exacting insight, the task
is only half done. Meditation must deal with the entire problem, step by step.
Again, the interaction must be threefold: the ego must initially want it and
must commit itself to it; it must reach in and let out the negative side;
it must also ask for the help of the Universal Self in order to strengthen
the consciousness for the further part of the work, the exploration of the
underlying misconceptions and the heavy price to be paid for them. And then,
again, the universal self must be allowed to help overcome the temptation
to give in -- over and over -- to the destructive impulses. Such giving in
does not necessarily happen in action, but in emotional attitudes.
This important aspect of meditation requires a great deal of
time, patience, perseverance, and determination. Remember at all times that
wherever you are unfulfilled, wherever there are problems, wherever there
is conflict in your life, you should not concentrate with woe on others or
on circumstances outside your control, but you should reach inside and explore
the causes imbedded in your own egotistical childish level. Meditation is
an absolute prerequisite for this. You must gather yourself calmly and quietly
and seek the truth. Ask for an answer as to the causes that you contributed
in this particular circumstance. In this state of mind peace will come to
you, even before you fully understand. This truthful approach to life will
already give you a measure of the peace and self-respect that were lacking
as long as you held others responsible for what you have to suffer. I discussed
these principles before, but most of my friends did not actively use them
or sufficiently incorporate them in their meditation.
If you meditate in this way, you will discover a side of yourself
that you have never known. The highest universal powers will communicate themselves
to you for the purpose of discovering the most destructive, ignorant side
-- which needs insight, purification, and change. By being willing to accept
your negative self, the Positive Self will become more of a reality in you.
You will increasingly experience it as your Real Self, so that despair about
being bad, weak, or inadequate must fall by the wayside.
Many people meditate, but they neglect the two-sidedness of
the endeavor, and therefore miss out on integration. They may indeed actualize
some of the universal powers -- which indeed come into play wherever the personality
is sufficiently free, positive, and open. But the unfree, negative, and closed
areas are neglected and ignored in the one-sided meditational approach. The
actualized universal powers will not, by themselves, enforce the integration
with the undeveloped part of the self. The conscious ego self must determine
this integration and fight for it, otherwise the universal self cannot get
through to the blocked areas. Partial integration with the universal self
may lead to even greater self-deception, because the consciousness is deluded
by the actually existing partial integration with the divine powers, and becomes
even more prone to overlook the neglected side. This creates a lopsided development.
The next step in meditation is to re-educate the destructive
infant, that is now no longer entirely unconscious. This infant -- with its
false beliefs, its stubborn resistance, its spitefulness, and its murderous
rage -- must be re-oriented. However, this re-education cannot take place
unless you are fully aware of every aspect of this destructive infant's beliefs
and attitudes. This is why the first part of meditation -- the revealing,
exploratory phase -- is so fundamental. It goes without saying that this phase
is not something one gets over with, so that then the second, and later the
third phase can begin. It is not a sequential happening. The phases overlap.
Exploration, understanding, and re-education often go hand in hand, while
at other times they have to be used separately. The feeling for timing must
be developed. No rules can be made which relieve you of the need to feel into
yourself so as to know what to use and when to use it. It is easy to look
past that which is stagnant in you. Even if the first meditational approach
is properly used and you are capable of seeing new vistas of the destructive
child in you, the second aspect may be neglected. The understanding of the
causes and effects may not be worked through. Or, perhaps, the aspect of re-education
may not be fully undertaken. But when you do work through all these levels,
then a tremendous strengthening of your whole self takes place. Several things
begin to happen within your personality. In the first place, the conscious
ego personality itself becomes stronger and healthier -- stronger in a good,
relaxed sense. You become more determined and more aware. Your direction is
more meaningful, your attention more focused, and you have a greater power
of concentration. You feel much more self-accepting and understanding of reality.
Unreal self-hate and self-disgust leave you. Equally false claims for specialness
and perfection also go away. False spiritual pride and vanity, as well as
false self-humility and shame disappear. Through the steady activation of
the higher powers, the self feels less and less forlorn, helpless, lost, hopeless,
or empty. The whole sense of the universe, in all its marvelous possibilities,
reveals itself from within, and the reality of this wider world shows you
the way to accept and change the destructive inner child. This gradual change
enables the person to accept all his feelings and let the energy flow through
his being. When the small, petty, and mean side is accepted -- with the understanding
that it is not the "total" final reality -- then the beauty, love, wisdom,
and infinite power of the superior self become more real. The higher self
cannot lead to unrealistic arrogance, specialness, and self-idealization when
the lower self is constantly being dealt with. This way leads to balanced
development, integration, a deep reassuring sense of one's own reality, and
to realistic self-love.
When looking at the truth in yourself -- and committing yourself
to this truth -- becomes second nature, you detect a side in you which you
were up to now too resistant to see. Simultaneously, you also detect this
great, universal, spiritual power that is in you -- and that is, in fact,
you. Paradoxical as it may seem, the more you can accept the mean little creature,
the ignorant little infant in you without losing your sense of self-value,
the more you will perceive the greatness of your innermost being -- provided
you truly do not use the discoveries of the little self to beat yourself down.
The little self wants to seduce the conscious ego and make it stay within
the narrow confines of neurotic self-beating, hopelessness, and morbid capitulation
-- which, in reality, always cover unexpressed hate. The conscious ego must
prevent this by using what you know: by talking to this part of yourself,
and by giving it all the knowledge of your conscious ego. If this is not sufficient,
then request the powers beyond your consciousness.
In order to get to know both the lowest and the highest in
you, you must realize the function and the capacity, but also the limitations,
of your conscious ego. Your ego can develop the desire to see -- on a conscious
level with all your heart -- the full truth of both the lowest and the highest
in you and to want to give up destructiveness and change. But the ego consciousness
cannot achieve this alone; it must turn for help and guidance to the Universal
Self and wait patiently and with an open attitude about the way this help
might manifest. Do not be impatient, doubtful, and full of preconceived notions.
The more open you are, the faster the help will come, and the sooner you will
recognize it. Help from the universal consciousness may come forth in an entirely
different manner than your concepts may make room for -- and this might be
a hurdle. This open, waiting, accepting, and positive attitude must be cultivated.
It may not be possible to adopt it immediately, but recognizing its absence
can be a constructive acknowledgment of where the self is at the moment.
There are many kinds of meditation. There is religious meditation,
which consists of reciting specific prayers. There is meditation in which
the main object is to increase the power of concentration. There is meditation
in which spiritual laws are contemplated and thought through. There is meditation
in which the ego is made totally passive and will-less, and the Divine allowed
its own flux. All have more or less value. But my suggestion to you is to
use the available energy and time for confronting that part of the self which
destroys happiness, fulfillment, and wholeness. Because bypassing it can never
create the wholeness the entity truly desires, whether this desire is conscious
or not.
So far we discussed: (1) Recognition of the unconscious destructive
egotistical self, (2) following through the underlying misconceptions, their
meaning, their cause and effect, and the price to be paid in regard to the
present destructive attitudes. The next phase is to re-orient and re-educate
the destructive part of the self. What I will say here must be taken with
great care, otherwise it will fail to communicate the subtleties involved.
Re-education might very easily be misunderstood and might lead toward a renewed
suppression of the destructive part that begins to unfold. You have to take
great care by consciously and deliberately avoiding the repression of the
destructive part without, however, allowing it to engulf you. The best attitude
toward the unfolding destructive part is one of detached observation, of unharried,
unjudging acceptance. As it unfolds, you must remind yourself that its truth
and its attitudes are not your only truths and attitudes, that they are not
absolute or final, and that, above all, you have the inherent power to change
your negative self. The incentive to change may be lacking when you are not
fully aware of the damage that your negative part is doing to your life when
it goes unrecognized. It is therefore important, in this phase of meditation,
to look for the indirect manifestations of your negative current. For example,
how does unexpressed hate manifest in your life? Perhaps by feeling undeserving
and afraid, or perhaps by inhibiting your energies. All this must be explored.
As I have said before, it is important to realize -- and remind
yourself -- that where there is life there is constant change and fluctuation.
There is constant movement, even if this movement is temporarily immobilized.
Matter is momentarily paralyzed, hardened life stuff -- frozen blocks of energy.
It can always be made to move again, but only consciousness can do it, for
life stuff is filled with consciousness, as well as energy -- whether this
energy is momentarily blocked and frozen, or whether this consciousness is
momentarily dimmed does not matter. In meditation the part of you which is
already conscious and moving spurs the blocked energy and dimmed consciousness
into becoming mobile and aware again. The best way to do this is to allow
the suppressed consciousness to express itself. Here you need a receptive
attitude, not an attitude of fear that sees what comes forth as devastating
and catastrophic. The panicky attitude toward one's own unfolding destructive
infant does more damage than the destructive infant itself. You must learn
to listen to it, and to calmly receive its expressions without hating yourself,
and without pushing it away. Only when you have such an attitude can you understand
its underlying factors, and, later, begin the process of re-education. When
an accepting and understanding attitude exists, then it becomes possible for
the conscious ego to assert its benign dominion over the violently destructive
and stagnant psychic matter. As I said many times, you must be kind, firm,
and deeply determined against your own destructiveness. You have to identify
with the destructiveness and yet you have to be detached from it. You have
to realize that it is part of you and you must also realize that there is
another part of you that can have the final word, if you so choose. You have
to widen the limitations of your conscious ego expressions by realizing that
you can say at any moment: "I will be stronger than my destructiveness
and will not be hampered by it. I determine that my life will be at its best
and its fullest, and that I will overcome the inner blocks that make me want
to remain unhappy. My determination will give me the power which will enable
me to experience more and more bliss as I let go of the doubtful pleasure
of being negative, which I now fully recognize." This is the task
of the conscious ego. As this is accomplished, the powers of guidance, wisdom,
strength, and a new inner feeling of love and penetration of the universal
self will come forth.
Re-education also depends on the efforts of the conscious ego
-- its instructions and its dialogue with the ignorant child -- as well as
on the intervention and guidance of the universal self. Each, in their own
way, will effect a gradual growing of this infant. The ego must determine
its goal: to change the consciousness of the negative inner child; it must
want this and commit itself to it; it must know that this is its task. But
here, again, accomplishment of this goal is made possible by the influx of
the spiritual aspect of the deeper personality, which must be deliberately
activated. You must be conscious of an active part which asserts its desire,
its goal, and its power over the negative aspects. It leads the dialogue and
calmly but firmly instructs the ignorant child. And you must also develop
a receptive part, which patiently awaits the final -- but always gradual --
manifestation of the universal powers which bring about this inner change.
The change brings resiliency, new reactions, and good feelings -- where they
were negative or dead. Rushing and pressuring the resisting part is just as
useless and ineffective as the direct refusal to budge. When the conscious
ego does not recognize the fact that there is a part of the self which actually
refuses every step toward health, unfoldment, and the good life, then a counter-active
movement may be one of hurried, impatient pressure. Both derive from self-hate.
When you feel yourself stymied and hopeless, it should be a sign for you to
search for that part in you that says: "I do not wish to change. I do
not wish to be constructive." Set out to find this voice. Through
meditation, you can explore and let the worst in you express itself.
You can see here, my friends, how expressing the negative part,
exploring it as to its meaning and cause and effect, and then re-educating
it must be an alternating -- and often simultaneous -- constantly fluctuating
process. You can also see how these three levels of interaction combine in
the effort of purification and integration. The meditation process is, among
other things, a constant voicing and articulation of what was hitherto not
articulated. It is a threefold communication and confrontation -- from the
ego toward the destructive self, and from the ego toward the universal self
-- so that the universal self affects both the ego and the destructive self.
Your own sensitivity will grow day by day so as to feel what is needed at
any given moment of your evolutionary path.
Each day brings new tasks, exciting tasks, beautiful tasks.
Your inner work should not be approached in a spirit of wanting to get it
over with, as if life will begin only after this inner work is done. On the
contrary, doing this work is "living" at its best. You may begin each meditation
by asking yourself: "How do I really feel at this moment? In what respect
am I dissatisfied? What is it that I may be avoiding to face?" Then
you may request the universal spirit in you to help you to become aware of
these particular answers, and then wait trustingly for what may unfold. Only
when you become aware of a negative current can you have a direct confrontation
with it. Then you can open a dialogue with it, ask it further questions, and
then instruct it. With patience and determination, you can re-mold, re-orient
stagnant psychic energy by the willingness to be totally honest with yourself,
totally constructive, totally loving, and totally open. If you find an unwillingness
to do this, then it is this very unwillingness that you must confront, explore,
and re-educate.
This is the only meaningful way in which meditation can make
your life focused toward the resolution of problems, toward growth, toward
fulfillment, and toward unfolding your best potentials. When you do this,
my friends, the time will come that trusting life will no longer be a vague,
far-away theory that you cannot experience personally. Instead, you will be
filled with confidence in life, as well as with self-love in the healthiest
way, and your love for life will be based on realistic considerations and
not on wishful thinking.
The constant paradoxes and opposites that you deal with in
life will conciliate themselves. This is important, particularly in connection
with meditation on this threefold interaction within you. I would like to
discuss a few of these very important seeming paradoxes. For instance, let
us examine desire versus desirelessness. Both are spiritual aspects and spiritual
realities. Only in the dualistic, separated mind do they seem like opposites
or paradoxes, so that this mind becomes confused -- not knowing what is "right"
and what is "wrong". There must be desire in a human being, for only through
your desire can you come to the fourth aspect of meditation: to expand your
conscious concepts so as to create a new and better life substance, and therefore
life experience. It is the creating part I spoke about in previous lectures.
If you do not desire a better state of being, or more fulfillment, then you
will have no "material" with which to create and mold the life stuff. Visualization
of a fuller state, as opposed to a previous limited state, presupposes desire.
These concepts must be built up with the conscious ego. The intervention and
actualization of the universal consciousness must help create a more expanded
state. But if there exists a dichotomy between desire and desirelessness,
then you cannot grasp or feel the necessary attitude. Through desire you will
believe in the new possibilities and reach greater states of fulfillment and
self-expression. But if desire is tense, urgent, and contracted, then it forms
a block. Such desire implies: "I do not believe that it can be,"
a doubt which perhaps exists due to an underlying "I really do not want
it." (Or other misconceptions and unjustified fears, or else the unwillingness
to pay the price.) Underlying denial creates too tense a desire. There exists
a kind of desirelessness which says, as it were: "I know that I can
and will have what I desire, even if it is not realizable right now and in
the way I want it. I trust the universe and my own good will sufficiently
to cope with the non-fulfillment of this desire."
What are the common denominators of healthy desire and healthy
desirelessness that make meditation -- and indeed all life experience -- real
and beautiful? First, the absence of fear and the presence of trust. If you
fear the frustration, the non-fulfillment, and its consequences, then the
tension of your soul movement will prohibit the fulfillment you want -- and
you eventually might give up all desire. As a result, you will have a distorted,
misunderstood, and wrong "desirelessness," which is created by a tense desire,
which, in turn, is due to fear, which is due to the infantile belief that
you will be annihilated if you do not have what you want. Hence you do not
trust your ability to cope with non-fulfillment, and you are inordinately
frightened of it. And the vicious circle goes around. The fear induces a cramp,
and a denial of desire. These very subtle, obscure attitudes must be explored
in your meditation, so that you can come to the stage of meaningful meditation:
Expressing your desire with confidence that the universe is able to yield
to you what you long for. You can deal with the obstacles on the way when
you know that the ultimate state of bliss will be yours. Desire and desirelessness
will no longer be paradoxes, but complementing attitudes.
Something similar happens with the apparent opposites of involvement
and detachment. It seems paradoxical to postulate that both must exist in
the healthy psyche. But this duality exists. If detachment is indifference
-- because you are afraid to be involved and you are unwilling to risk pain
and you are frightened of loving -- then "detachment" is a distortion of the
real attitude. And if involvement means merely an expression of an over-tense
will -- based on the fear of the infantile insistence to always have what
you want immediately and unconditionally -- then the healthy, productive version
of involvement is inverted.
I will now choose a third example of apparent opposites which
if not distorted make one comprehensive whole. Let us take the inner attitude
of activity and passivity. On the dualistic level these two seem to be mutually
exclusive. How can you be both passive and active in a harmonious way? The
right interaction includes both these inner movements. For instance, meditation,
as I explained it here, must include both. You are active when you explore
inner levels of consciousness -- both positive and negative; you are active
when you commit yourself and struggle to recognize and overcome resistance;
you are active when you question further and try to release the previously
unadmitted destructive side; you are active when you have a dialogue and when
you re-educate the infantile, ignorant aspects of yourself; you are active
when you use your ego consciousness to activate the spiritual consciousness;
and you are active when you create a new concept of life experience, as opposed
to an old limiting one. When the ego deals with both "universes" to establish
a connection, you are active. But you must also learn to passively wait for
the unfoldment and expression of both these levels. Then the right blend of
activity and passivity exists. The universal powers cannot come to fruition
in a human being unless both active and passive movements exist.
These are very important concepts to observe within yourself
and to use in order to understand where they are distorted and where they
are functioning well. When the three-way interaction within yourself takes
place, then there is always a harmonious blend between desire and desirelessness,
between involvement and detachment, and between activity and passivity. When
this happens, the destructive infant grows up. It is not killed or annihilated,
it is not "exorcised." But its frozen powers resolve themselves into live
energy, which you will actually feel as a new living force. This infant must
not be slain, my friends. It must be brought to growth, so that it can be
liberated and brought to salvation. By working toward this goal, you will
steadily move closer to unifying the ego level and the universal self.
Meditate on this powerful material. Be blessed, be in peace,
be in God.
The Guide
by Eva Pierrakos
May 8, 1970
Copyright 1970, the Center for the Living Force, Inc.