Unconscious Negativity Endangers Surrender Of Ego To Involuntary Processes

By The Pathwork Guide

Greetings. Blessings, my dearest friends who are here and who listen to my words. May you be affected deeply in your unconscious by this lecture -- just as much as you can assimilate these words in your conscious mind. May you open your heart and your inner being, so that deep understanding will become possible, an understanding which is not necessarily connected with an intellectual group, although the latter is usually the first step.

In the recent lectures I have concentrated, in one form or another, on giving you an understanding of the relationship between ego consciousness and the universal intelligence. We have discussed this topic from many different angles, directly and indirectly, and shall continue to do so. For no human being can truly be healthy and in balance with himself and the forces around him unless a harmonious relationship exists between the ego and the universal intelligence within.

When man is primarily identified with, and functioning out of, the ego, he must be in imbalance. He must be enmeshed in problems. Of course, it is equally correct to state that if he has unresolved inner problems, such an imbalance is inevitable. For, no matter what side you look at, in the end it always adds up to the same: the ego must learn to let go of itself. And, no matter how much intellectual knowledge exists about the lesser role the ego plays as opposed to the universal intelligence, such intellectual understanding alone will not suffice, ever. Therefore you have to look for new avenues and new approaches within yourselves to find it possible to let go in a healthy, harmonious way.

Tonight's lecture will deal, once again, with this topic. And I hope that what I say will open a few more doors for some of my friends. Now, whenever the ego is in predominant control of the business of living and of the life functions, life dries up, it starves, it withers -- it literally dies off. For it cannot replenish itself at the source, where all life springs from. That source is the divine, universal self within each individual being. The process of death itself will, perhaps, appear in a new light for you when you look at it from this point of view. The spiritual entity that is incarnated as man is precisely man in the state of his overall consciousness, condensed into the coarse matter which is the substance of material existence. He is incarnated in matter because a separated part of the overall consciousness -- a part which we call the ego -- is disconnected from the total being, the universal self.

This disconnectedness causes the ego state, thus material life, thus the cycle of life and death. If a human being overcomes the separation, the process of dying must equally be overcome. If there is no longer fear of letting go of the ego, a melting with the universal force becomes possible. This is not a faraway state, to be contemplated in a hereafter. It is possible any time, any place, since it is a question of one's state of consciousness.

There are various states and processes in material life which afford man the possibility to replenish himself from the universal source. One of the most automatic, generally accessible of these states is sleep. Any human being who is deeply troubled is so because he is too enmeshed in his ego. Insomnia occurs precisely because the ego is too predominant and the involuntary forces of life cannot take over. They are hindered by the ego -- perhaps the unconscious ego, but nevertheless the ego -- which does not want to relinquish any of its controls. If all involuntary forces are feared and rejected, the various states in which a temporary submerging into the real self can be possible are blocked off. Incidentally, those states also vary as to the degree and intensity of the submergence. Each state fulfills a specific function and taps different channels of the universal self. Thus, for instance, sleep merely affords rest from the ego tensions and the ego chores. The type of strength flowing into the personality during this particular immersion into the universal forces has different characteristics from the types of strength that come from other states of immersion into the divine ocean of being.

Now, when a person's ego is overactive, sleep cannot come. Even this most primitive and universal form of replenishment ceases to function.

Another state of replenishment is mutual involvement and love between the sexes. Healthy, intense self-forgetfulness makes it possible for the ego to dip into the vast sea of universal power and beauty. This happens through the encompassing love for and acceptance of another "sphere," which is another being. The total accepting of, the transcending good will toward, and the consequent melting into another being is precisely the kind of attitude compatible with the universal forces. Thus it leads to an experience that involves all levels of being: mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical. Therefore it is the most total spiritual experience man can have. In other states, where the ego can let go of itself, the experience is hardly ever that inclusive of all of man's being.

He must also be most replenished as he partakes most completely of the universal reality. He then is nourished with the creative substance in all its splendor. The ego is truly immersed and is temporarily given a much lesser place of functioning, only to re-emerge stronger and better than ever, more flexible, wiser, and filled with the pleasure supreme that all human beings long for. When the ego dips into the vast ocean of universal force, the personality can never be the same as before. It is not only enriched beyond measure, but its capacity to submerge, surrender, and be blissful, to love, and to be in truth must grow proportionately. The most effective and intense form of melting the ego with the universe is through another entity, via the capacity to forget and transcend oneself.

Another state is a deep, profound meditation. This is not a cerebral exercise of the mind, but a giving oneself up to the divine, to the intelligence and the truth of the universal forces. Not just generally -- that is too easy and can easily deceive -- but specifically, where the personal hurdles and barricades bar the way because of the fear of truth within the self. When these hurdles are overcome because the love of truth is greater, and thus surrender to the greater truth becomes possible, the ocean of wisdom can replenish man's being. This new wisdom can open all other doors as well, as the truth is accepted and assimilated.

Each of the examples I cite here is an experience where the ego transcends itself, lets go, gives itself up, and partakes of something greater within. In the ideally healthy life all of these experiences are sought and, more or less regularly, pursued. The individual makes these experiences possible through his attitudes, his readiness, and his active interests. If this is the case, eventually his entire life will be activated by the greater intelligence and power within, until it and the ego are one. It encompasses everything, so that the ego is always flowing, flexible, relaxed, and permeated by the knowledge, the power, and the pleasure of the real self. Every activity, no matter how mundane, is permeated by the real self, which works freely. Effort to overcome fear and resistance is no longer needed before contacting the real self.

The more the ego is dipped into the greater being, the more life will replenish itself. And to the degree these experiences are hindered because of obstructions in the personality, which the ego is unwilling to remove, to that degree life dries out, and various degrees of death set in. Actual physical death is the natural end result of a process of drying out, of separating the ego from the source of all life.

It is very important for you to understand this deeply, my friends, for then we can go a step further. We can then, first of all, investigate why man is so deeply frightened of precisely that which represents and gives life, why he reacts, and even believes it to be, death, annihilation, the end of being. Why does man persistently and consistently, either consciously or unconsciously, believe that precisely the kind of experiences I mentioned are dangerous to him because the ego control is abandoned and the self immersed into a vaster consciousness and lawfulness? Why does he, consciously or unconsciously, hinder these experiences? For he does so, no matter how much he also strives for them, as the longing for them cannot ever be eradicated from the human heart, no matter how much conflict, how many misconceptions, and how much fear exist in man. Yet why does man cling to those attitudes that hinder all replenishment, that dry out the psyche, that cause death, and that make life unpleasurable and bleak? Why does he believe that just that represents life and safety? These are indeed puzzling questions. We have investigated this topic and have come across many reasons, or pseudo reasons, why man believes he must protect himself from the very thing that makes him alive and vibrant with well being. We have seen superficial false conclusions and shortsighted character attitudes of defeatism that make man so destructive that he would rather forfeit his life than give in -- for so "giving in" appears to him. Let us now look a little deeper. As you can easily see, there comes a point in everyone's path when this becomes the most important threshold in the evolutionary process.

Before we go into this more deeply, I wish to say once again in this context that the need of man to transcend the ego, to let go of it, is so great that when the distorted and fearful personality hinders this natural process, then unnatural processes are sought. This is why people yearn for the sensations that drugs give. This is why a person suffering from insomnia will resort to sleeping pills, rather than remove the block of the ego and transcend it. This is also why the person whose ego is in predominant control, and therefore does not obtain sufficient replenishment, is compelled to pursue self-destructive aims. For every self-destructiveness is a gesture of courting death, of walking toward it. And death is the great relief the personality seeks when all other avenues of relief from ego control fail, due to the personality's stubborn refusal and its false ideas. All self-destruction is a slow form of suicide. Death is unconsciously longed for to the precise degree that it is feared; the longing is there because the perpetual wakefulness of an isolated ego becomes unbearable.

Thus man finds himself in ambivalence: on the one hand he fears letting go of the ego in the healthy way, and on the other he strives for letting go of the ego in an unhealthy way. This is one of the dualities that constantly accrue from the state of separateness.

Now, let us come, my friends, to the fundamental reason why man fears the healthy and blissful state in which he allows the involuntary forces to guide and "live" him, as it were; why he cannot trust the wisdom and the greater order of the real self, of the divine being in him. Needless to say that those reasons we will discuss here are at first quite unconscious. It is an essential step on everyone's path to bring them into the clear daylight of consciousness before any change is possible. For as long as the personality tries to force a change before the destructive attitude is quite conscious, nothing real can be accomplished. Change will not be possible, due to the still unconscious obstruction.

Now, as to the deep cause of this condition of predominant ego control: there is a lawfulness that makes it indeed hazardous for the ego to let go of itself as long as the ego is attached to attitudes which are incompatible with the laws of the greater reality. If this sentence is truly understood, you will have your key. In other words, wherever destructiveness is pursued and held on to, letting go of the ego becomes absolutely impossible in a healthy, safe, and life-giving way. An ego is healthy when its attitudes are loving, generous, open, trusting, as well as realistic and self-assertive. All of this is part of the greater reality and the lawfulness of the divine substance. Violation of these attitudes nurtures hate, separateness, distrustfulness, illusion, weakness, the tendency to damage the self and forego its best interests. Such an unhealthy ego is striving for the precise opposite of the lawfulness of the divine within. Hence it is not equipped to take care of itself, and, consequently, life must be fraught with fear and insecurity. The longing for escape from the tensions of the ego, as well as from the perpetual unpleasantness, may lead to unhealthy ego liberation and to insanity because the thus liberated ego is unsupported by anything that can give it real substance. This, too, is very important to grasp in its full significance.

Some of my friends who have made sufficient progress on their path to have come face to face with their own destructiveness will, perhaps, understand what I am saying here a little better. They will surely benefit more than those of my friends who are as yet unaware of the fact that they are destructive; that they do not wish to be positive, to give their best to life -- in whatever area they are still unhappy, unfulfilled, and in conflict. Of course, this lack of awareness makes it quite impossible to go through the threshold I am now discussing. It is absolutely necessary for you to see yourself in this destructiveness. See yourself in that way for a while, with the detached, objective self-evaluation that comes from a deep self-acceptance and the determination to do away with self-glorification and illusion about the self. The claim to be more than what one is must be absolutely abandoned before such a healthy self-observation can take place.

If the ego -- also the unconscious part of the ego -- is attached to a destructive attitude, it is incompatible with the universal forces. Therefore when it lets go of itself, it is unsupported, it has no hold, no security, nothing to rely on, and it becomes totally disorganized and disintegrated. An ego that is not sustained, guided, and inspired by the real, universal self cannot cope with anything. It becomes completely disassociated from any intelligence. Therefore, in a way, the ego is almost "right" in not letting go: as long as the destructiveness is not being given up, at least it retains a modicum of sanity. The exaggerated self-governing of an aggrandized ego condition is preferable to disintegration. And disintegration is inevitable when the outer, ego personality is not compatible with the universal self. If the superior universal forces are not trusted, an ego that gives itself up has nothing else. There is no intelligence, no logic, no lawfulness other than the ego's when the ego distrusts the universal forces. No matter how limited the separated ego intelligence is in comparison with the greater self, it still possesses some reason and some grasp of a limited reality. Without the ego there is no will, either if the greater, divine will is negated or if it is unconsciously defeated.

This is why there is such a deep fear of letting go. Now, my friends, this is a tremendously important thing for you to understand at this point, for it enables you to approach yourself from the other end as well. Namely, whenever you feel yourself unable to let go, you can now realize that deep destructive forces and attitudes are still rampant in you. Somewhere within there is a will to be negative and destructive. This will is quite deliberate, once you become aware of it. There is nothing that forces you against your will. This only seems so as long as you deny this area because you do not wish to admit such a thing, perhaps so contrary to your self-image. This destructiveness causes fear and insecurity because you do not wish to face and acknowledge it, let alone give it up. Knowing this puts you into an entirely different position toward yourself: self-delusion is eliminated. Thus the destructiveness is lessened, no matter how much you still want to be destructive in certain areas. When I say "destructive," I mean the many, many ways in which the ego self clings to separating attitudes. Perhaps the subtle way of not wanting to expand and love others; perhaps the separating attitude of wanting to be vindictive and to punish others by one's own suffering. These are subtle and vague feelings, fleeting attitudes, so elusive that they almost seem non-existent, until one catches them and looks them squarely in the face. Then they become quite distinct. Perhaps the destructive attitude is to secretly think: "No one knows what I really think and feel, therefore it does not count." This is a very prevalent attitude to one's undesirable attitudes. One glosses over them and vaguely assumes that their secrecy devaluates them. Any effect they produce, in spite of their secrecy, is felt as gross injustice, in the spirit of: "But they did not know what I felt and if I had felt as I pretended, then their reaction would indeed be unjust." This thinking harbors the illusion that life can be cheated. It reflects one's most significant and telling attitude to life as such. It tells the story that one does not give oneself honestly to the business of living but makes appearance and pretense the criteria according to which one wishes to be judged and reap results. Trust in life is impossible under such circumstances.

Catch those moments and you will see how you do not take life seriously, how you do not lend yourself wholly and fully to whatever you do. This activity of catching one's own little hidden dishonesties is the kind of constructiveness that is compatible with the divine substance. The moment a person approaches himself with the attitude of saying to himself -- and meaning it: "I want to give my very, very best to the process of living, to every aspect of my life, and to contribute the very best forces that are within me. Wherever I do not do this, and am too blind to be aware of it, I wish that the universal intelligence in me guide me to this awareness. I wish to pay attention to it." With such a sincerely meant attitude something new is set in motion -- in that moment. The more you assume such attitudes -- it is most important to approach life in that manner, no matter where the problem areas and the daily difficulties lie -- the more the ego self becomes compatible with the real self. Therefore fear of letting go of the ego diminishes proportionately because man then has something much larger and more reliable to trust in. By calling upon and activating the divine will, through the manifestation of the real self, one cannot help but convince oneself of its reality, its wisdom, and its utter goodness. One cannot help discovering its all-encompassing love that knows no conflict. It works out to everyone's fulfillment, bliss, and happiness. This undivided intelligence and inexorable fulfillment is deeply safe and trustworthy. But as long as the ego's aims, attitudes, and inclinations are diametrically opposed to the laws of the universal intelligence, how can one trust in the universal intelligence? Therefore, whenever man feels shaky and insecure within himself, anxious, and frightened, when he underestimates his values, he must look for a destructive attitude, a negativity he is as yet unwilling to relinquish.

Thus, when you feel anxious, ask yourself: "Where am I destructive? Where am I negative? Where do I refuse to accept the universal laws, so that I do not give myself to the divine within me?"

In the last analysis, my friends, happiness always amounts to the basic virtues religion teaches. In the very last, culminating point it is always a question of love, which, of course, is always the key to the universe. But preaching it for thousands of years has not really helped. It has often made man merely more hypocritical. He deluded himself that he was loving, while underneath this was often not at all the case. He covered feelings very opposite to love with a superficial veneer that gave the appearance of love. Such cover-up is often mere self-deception, for most of the time others are not deceived.

How often does man claim that his weakness is love, when inwardly he is seething with resentments and vindictiveness. He claims that his possessiveness and a dominating will to control are love, but inwardly he merely wants to win and have his own way. He claims that an arrogant, unhealthy pride is self-love, when inwardly he merely wishes to be better than others and not give an inch to them. These self-deceptions have to be unmasked, my friends. For even among those of you who pursue this path and have made great progress in self-realization there are still some who are blind to such areas.

Wherever man holds on, in his blind self-deception, to such attitudes, he does not want to give of himself and thus violates the law of love. The violation of the law of love is that which ultimately ails everyone who is troubled. This is what must be investigated in everyone who has an unhappiness: "Where is this violation? Where do I keep myself separated? Where do I impair my integrity -- in a direct or indirect way? Where do I delude myself about myself? Where do I not want to give of myself -- in some way?" These are the questions that must be asked and answered. The answer often lies in a different direction and is true in a different way than you had thought.

Ego existence, being totally attached and holding on to the ego level of personality, causes fear and insecurity. It is such an insufficient life. And it is such a finite life. This is always frightening, for no one really wants to end being. But the separated ego must end. Only by finding one's way back, within the self, into the greater truth, into the reality that is the law of love, as it is also the law of truth, only by having done so can the ego safely give itself to the divine being within.

Are there any questions on this topic?

QUESTION: I am becoming aware of some negative chain reactions in me, and of the harm they do. I realize now that I have no feelings but act according to reflexes. I also recognize how I manipulate myself in producing false fears. The moment I could fully see this, the compulsion stopped somewhat. The only time I have some good feelings is when I read these lectures. I am able to work with them. I think I understand them. I also have good feelings when I really meditate. I can feel, at times, the flow of the creative forces about to flow through my whole being -- and I stop it. What can you say about all this?

ANSWER: Actually I already said it in this very lecture. The answer is really in here. I could add that you would have to look and find in what particular respect you violate the law of love. Now that the false, pretended love has been uncovered and disclosed as weakness and desire to placate others so as to use them for your own ends, it will not be quite so difficult to do this. You have to find out in what way you cling to a negative attitude. This is precisely why you fear the involuntary forces of spontaneous good feelings. To the degree you cling to negative attitudes, and therefore negative feelings, to that degree you must fear the positive ones. On that level you have made a choice. You would rather indulge in resentments and self-pity, in making cases against others, in the illusion of being injured -- all this affords you a certain pleasure you are unwilling to give up. Well, the price one pays is high, high indeed. As long as you choose this pleasure, with all its pain, guilt, discomfort, and insecurity, you forfeit the good feelings that are your birthright, that have no conflict about them. The good feelings must actually appear frightening as long as bad feelings are cherished. To the degree you abandon your self-pity, your self-victimization, your resentments, your blames of others whom you make responsible for your condition, and the claim to be constantly injured, exactly to a proportionate degree you will not fear good feelings.

QUESTION: I found out that it is almost impossible for me to trust completely -- on almost any level. The deeper I go, the more I confirm this. Sometimes it is not apparent at all. This must connect, of course, with not wanting to let go of the ego. What I would like to know is that if certain areas are cleared of negativity, is it then automatically that you trust completely, without an effort?

ANSWER:Yes, it is automatic. It is like a see-saw, or a scale. I discussed this "see-saw" process many times. And many of my friends on the path have actually experienced it happen. Let us take, say, self-dislike as an example. It need not and cannot be deliberately abandoned. Whenever this is attempted, it fails. To the extent the justified reasons for self-dislike are removed, the self-dislike stops itself. So it is here with trust. You will trust automatically when you find the justified reasons for distrusting yourself. The process is always an automatic re-establishment of balance. The best thing you could do in such a state is to daily strengthen yourself by a very specific meditation. Say to yourself: "I want to give up all destructiveness. If I cannot do so yet, I herewith request the real self, the divine substance in me, to help me see where I am stuck and to help me out of it. For this is what I want." If you feel yourself not wanting it, do not gloss over this all-important, crucial obstruction. Rather, take that as the point of departure. Then say into yourself: "I would like to find out exactly why I do not want the good. What blocks me from wanting it, in whatever area it may be?" Say, "I wish I could want it. What is it? I want to give my very best to this specific phase of where I am stuck." If you proceed in this way, success must come. Success is impossible only when you look away from such a point where you are stuck.

QUESTION: Since yesterday I am aware of a very deep tendency of disliking people, almost inadvertently. It is frightening to me how this separating attitude makes it impossible for me to appreciate people at all. It was suggested to me yesterday in my private session that I should not try to get out of it per se, but instead I should perhaps explore its origin and its ramifications. Could you perhaps comment on this?

ANSWER: Yes, such self-dislike -- including yourself, of course, since this is inextricably bound together -- is also a question of distrusting. Therefore in these explorations I would advise you to look at the following: you assume that many of the things happening to you are so bad that no redeeming circumstances exist for you. The interpretation you give to those incidents is extremely exaggerated and distorted. You would need to look at everything that hurt and upset you in the past, as far as you can remember, as well as in the present, with a new outlook. You need to take into consideration the fact that there exists another meaning apart from the one you automatically assume. Everything you see has such a finality and such exclusiveness for you that no other possibility but the most devastating one is conceivable to you. You need to recognize this attitude in its full significance and you must then cultivate the desire to change it, for the sake of seeing reality. You assume that whatever you see in someone or in a situation is the whole thing. It never occurs to you that apart from the situation or the person being quite different from what you assume, what you have seen is at best only part of the whole picture. This realization automatically alters your perception. Ask yourself about anything you assume, "is that the whole truth? Is what I assume or what I see at first glance all there is to it, or could there be other aspects that I ignore because I close myself up to a wider reality?" This is one aspect where you can broaden your vision and expand your horizon. For you still experience in terms of the infant, who only sees the moment, and that is all.

The second aspect about which I would like to advise you is to ask yourself the question where you want to like people. What is the answer? Feel into yourself.

QUESTION: My mental processes tell me that I need to like people, but I feel resistance. Where do I go from here?

ANSWER: This is your conflict. It is so wonderful when a person is aware of such a conflict, for the very great majority of people have similar conflicts but are not aware of them. This awareness is the necessary prerequisite to finding the way out of suffering. It makes it possible for you to look at the side that says No. Ask yourself: "Why not?" Do not theorize, no matter how correct general theories prove to be, it will be more helpful for you here to come up with the specific answer, as it applies to you. Ask yourself, with a fresh, new approach, why you do not wish to like people, and do not be afraid to give yourself childish, irrational, illogical answers. Allow anything that comes forth. Then you will know the truth about the No.

Before a person can develop his capacity to love, he must first have the willingness to do so. As long as that is lacking, nothing can be done. This willingness to do so is the crux. It must exist on all levels for love to be whole. If it only exists superficially and does not exist in the depths of your feelings, the manifestation you then experience will correspond to it. If you are unaware of your unwillingness to love, you will complain about the results and feel yourself victimized. As long as you waste your energies on complaining and feeling victimized, you are enmeshed in a vicious circle. Your destructive projections and the blaming of others consumes the energy you need for loving and wanting love, as well as for looking at the self and finding out what is amiss. When you ask yourself why you do not wish to love, and you answer it precisely and honestly, you will then know why your capacity to love does not function. And consequently you will really understand your loneliness and you will no longer believe that fate is playing some kind of trick on you. This is a wonderful step. I will not give you the answer why you do not wish to love. This answer must come from yourself. All I can say is that misconceptions and destructiveness hang on to you because you hang on to them. Once they are out in the open, it will be relatively easy for you to overcome them.

This lecture can indeed become a milestone for some of my friends. It can represent the culminating point you have needed. I can see something is already happening with a few of you: a basic destructiveness will be abandoned through your squarely facing it. Hence the divine can be activated. This transition is the most significant thing that can happen in an individual's life. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can equal this process. Therefore no one who lacks the courage to look at himself in truth and to abandon the self-illusions and delusions can come to such a transition. For you cannot abandon a negativity you ignore you have. You cannot give up a destructiveness you deny exists in you. Truth leads to love, and love without truth is impossible. They are indeed one.

My dearest beloved friends, a great power is available and becomes more and more available to everyone of you here. This power is not dependent on any other beings, but it is flowing from your own innermost self. It will flow forth at all times, and it will nourish and replenish you whenever you have freed yourself from the shackles of ego domination. Be blessed, body, soul, and mind. Be penetrated, all of you, with the love and the truth of the universe, so that they can help liberate you. Be in peace, be in God.

The Guide
by Eva Pierrakos
March 15, 1968

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