The Longing For Happiness And The Fear Of Happiness -- The Fear Of Releasing The Little Ego

By The Pathwork Guide

Greetings, my dearest friends. Blessings for everyone of you. Blessed be your faculties to understand, to absorb, to assimilate, and to utilize what you may receive in this hour. This lecture is a continuation of the previous one, so let us go directly into the topic already raised last time, and that is man's deeply ingrained longing for and, at the same time, fear of happiness.

Now, this is at a very deep level of the human psyche, way beneath and beyond the ordinary neurotic, distorted misconceptions and fears that man harbors in his unconscious mind. The fear of happiness is directly related to the fears of letting go of man's outer ego faculties. By the same token, the longing for happiness must therefore also be a longing for release of the ego faculties. Of course, here or there, we have in some ways discussed this topic in the past. We now have to approach it on a deeper level, and with a new outlook and new understanding. For, many of my friends in their private work on their personal path have now reached, or are about to reach, this awareness: the deep-rooted conflict between the longing for and the fear of happiness; the longing for and the fear of letting go of the little ego.

As you have heard me say about so many other topics, or other aspects of being, everything exists both in right understanding and in distortion. It is the same with the letting go of the outer ego. There, too, this can exist in a distorted, unbalanced, and therefore unhealthy manner. First of all, let us be clear as to what I mean by the outer ego faculties. It is the part of man which he can influence, which he has direct access to -- his volitional thinking and what I often call the outer will: the volition that can be directly exerted. A simple example will clarify the difference between direct and indirect will faculties on the physical level. You can determine how you move, that you will move a hand, for example, or what action you are going to undertake. But you have no direct access of will over your heartbeat, or over your circulation. The same exists on a mental and emotional basis. Man cannot force himself to harbor certain emotions, but he can determine the direction of his thinking and thereby eventually change undesirable emotions, just as the heartbeat and circulation can be affected indirectly, through faculties that man can directly determine.

When man uses the volitional faculties of his will in a wrong way, disorder exists in the psyche. If he overexerts the will and tries to direct it to areas which cannot be controlled directly but only indirectly, he wastes energy and debilitates himself. It is as though man would try to force, with all his might and by sheer outer will, a change in his blood circulation. If this effort has any effect at all, it can only worsen his condition. On the other hand, man has many means at his disposal for improving his circulation, and those must be executed with his outer will. It is the same process with mental and emotional faculties. Man often gets lost in a wrong approach, exerting will in the wrong way, and neglecting to do so when this would be desirable. When will is not used sufficiently, the ego becomes too strong and tight. If an ego is overexerted, it becomes so exhausted that the effect is often a desire to escape from the self, to let go out of weak motives. Letting go is then an escape which may become dangerous.

Properly letting go can exist only with a healthy ego, one which is in balance and which is not indoctrinated with false concepts, false fears, and destructive attitudes. Only then does giving up the direct overcontrol become possible and actually desirable. The deep longing man has for happiness and the harmony of letting go of ego faculties comes from the fact that deep down man knows that all great human experience is a result of letting go to some degree of the ego faculties, of a too tight overcontrol. All creative manifestations are a direct result of an inner intelligence and wisdom which by far surpasses the conscious, directly available intelligence. Therefore, the latter must be used deliberately in order to activate the former. This inner being exists apparently quite independently of the outer volitional thinking apparatus. First, man is completely unaware of this inner powerful intelligence; then he experiences it occasionally as totally separate from his conscious, deliberate self; and, last, he integrates these two parts of himself. In order to accomplish this integration, he must learn to use the conscious ego for the purpose of activating the inner self. He must learn the fine balance between when and how to use the outer ego and when to let it step aside.

All truly great human experience comes from this inner, involitional self. Never can it come from the outer ego, unless it is already integrated with the inner self. All acts of creation in art and science, all great inventions, all truly enriching and lasting values emanate from this inner being, just as all spiritual experience, as well as the experience of the ecstasy of love between the sexes, and finally the great experience of physical death, which erroneously is assumed by man to be a sad or horrible experience. This is no more so than any of the other experiences I have mentioned. These other experiences are, for that matter, almost equally feared by man. Only, this fear is not as conscious. Man fears the great spiritual experience. He fears the great act of total love and the letting go of the little self in the ecstasy of union. Man fears the apparent need for courage required for letting the inner self manifest with its wisdom and truth, so that creative manifestation is possible. As I have said, man is less aware of these fears, while the fear of death has been played up by humanity and made into a big and seemingly rational fear.

The fear of letting go of the outer ego faculties is a further result of the idea that life can be maintained only when the ego is tightly held together. What does it mean when we say that man does not want to lose life? What does life mean in this connection? Man does not want to lose his sense of identity, his sense of being an individual, of having a distinct, unique existence: his sense of self-consciousness. This is associated purely with the state of being human, with the outer ego faculties of direct volitional thinking, willing, and feeling. Without these outer ego faculties, he fears he will lose himself; and that means death to him, a feeling of not existing, of "I am not." Therefore, he tightly holds himself together.

The spiritual history of evolution has brought man into a temporary state of being too tightly held together, if I may put it this way, until he learns to re-establish the balance. In the course of evolution he has gone overboard on the ego faculties, so that he cannot overcome the matter that separates him from life. This is because he associates his separateness with individuality. It is true that if the ego is too weak and ineffectual, individuality suffers and is diminished. Hence the ego must be strengthened, but for the sole purpose of easing it again, so that it can integrate with the indirectly accessible, deeper, wider, wiser self. As long as man associates his identity exclusively with the outer ego, he must fear to let it go, for this appears like annihilation in the sense that he loses his sense of existing. This is man's separateness in the true sense of the word. This is the deepest root of the fear of letting go. Therefore, the fear of happiness prevails, for no true happiness can exist when the outer ego exclusively is in command. Any over-exertion of the ego prevents real experience. All really beautiful, valid, constructive, meaningful experience comes from a perfect balance between the volitional and the involitional self -- that which manifests spontaneously, unbidden, indirectly, and is not accessible by the outer, volitional will direction. Those experiences are the truly great ones. Those experiences are the ones which make man feel his oneness with the universe. The fact that he constantly longs for it -- whether he is aware of this longing or not -- is only too understandable, for it is his destiny, this is his natural state, this is the direction toward which his evolution pushes him. The deep inner need to reach that state of perfect integration between the outer ego faculties and this inner, involitional self must exist in man as long as this need has not been fulfilled. This is where he must go. When he unwittingly blocks his way to this destiny, in fear and misconception, in self-alienation and escape from life, then conflict arises in the deep psyche. This destiny simultaneously becomes the greatest longing and the deepest fear. This dichotomy between desire and fear exists particularly in all those aspects of life experience where the overcontrol prevents the ego from stepping aside sufficiently to let the inner self manifest.

Where such overcontrol exists for some time and has exhausted the personality, man then often resorts to false means to liberate himself from the burden of overcontrol. He cannot any longer stand this state, in which he overloads one faculty of his being and thwarts another, which is infinitely better equipped to serve him. He looks for a state of relief and so he, often inadvertently, grabs for false and even dangerous means of relief, in which he can experience the wonder and richness of the universe. The most extreme forms of finding release of ego over-functioning are alcoholism and drug addiction. Less extreme forms are self-alienation, mental states of disassociation from self. These are unconsciously instituted in a deliberate way to effect a flight from the ego. You know how many ways exist in which man can escape from himself. These are the false, misunderstood, inadvertent ways in which the self seeks the liberation of the overburdened ego. When he then experiences the negative results of such an escape from the self, he is all the more convinced of the danger of letting go. And he falls back into the other extreme of holding on too tight to that which has created the imbalance in the first place.

Only a strong, healthy, robust ego can afford to let go of itself. Only such a strong, healthy, robust ego can give itself up and integrate with the larger self. This is man's story of the imbalance of his psyche. This, my friends, explains why man must constantly be in the tremendous struggle between longing for and fearing happiness, and the healthy letting go which affords the larger self the opportunity to manifest, to create, to guide, to be. Through this letting go a genuine control exists, not a tight, anxious one, but a perfectly harmonious, effortless one, which increases awareness of the power each individual possesses, without ever making this power a burden.

This topic will be better understood when you consider certain areas of your life which function perfectly well. Perhaps it has always been that way -- which means that you have come into this life liberated, free, healthy in these particular aspects -- or you have corrected and established these healthy patterns in some respects of your life through work on a path such as this. Whatever the case may be, the positive self-perpetuating principle exists. You remember that I talked about this. In order to make this topic more understandable, I must say more about it now.

All aspects of living and being, and all of man's outer and inner activities -- especially the permanent and repetitive ones -- are based on self-perpetuating processes. Each of these areas is like a magnetic field. The attitude man harbors about this certain area of his life, the thoughts, the feelings, the impressions, the concepts, his resulting actions and reactions and interactions, the patterns that arise from all this -- all this put together forms a nucleus of energy. There is always new energy arising from this nucleus, which might be called a magnetic field.

There are a number of basic life experiences for each human being. Let us enumerate a few of the most important and fundamental ones, applying to all human beings alike. Man's attitude to his work, his career; his attitude to material life, to love and sex; his attitude to general human relationship; his attitude to material values; his attitude to his health; his attitude to his outer life, appearance and activity; his attitude to nature; to art; to pleasure and leisure; his attitude to spiritual reality -- self-development, permanent values; his attitude to collecting and assimilating knowledge. These are all separate magnetic energy fields. In each human life some are positively and some are negatively self-perpetuating. Where they work positively, everything goes smoothly. Man does not have to struggle. Desirable results come as if by themselves, effortlessly and harmoniously, never creating problems or conflict. The right action happens at the right time, from outside and from inside. He thinks of the appropriate things to do, say, or undertake at precisely the proper moment. Execution happens without inner or outer hindrance. Nothing stands in the way. Things fall into place by themselves. Inspiration, guidance, one's own best resourcefulness -- all function well. In such areas man is apt to take this for granted so that he is unaware of the mechanics. Once you pay attention to it, you will see that the ego does its part, but it is not exclusively in charge, for it cannot cause this smooth functioning of many factors that the ego has no control over -- external, as well as inner factors. This is a typical description of a positively working magnetic field, or positively self-perpetuating energy.

The negative magnetic fields, or negative areas of life experience, denote not only failure, but pressure, difficulty, wrong timing, frustration. Things do not work out. When closely observed, the ego presses and pushes, in the assumption that this will overcome the obstruction. Pain, disappointment, and complications arise.

Man is usually so shortsighted that he calls the positive fields good luck and the negative ones bad luck. Now, when man tries to directly control the result itself, he must waste his energy and by no means does he change a negative field into a positive one. But he can directly control all of that which makes up the negative magnetic field. That is, he can examine himself -- his thoughts, his feelings, his attitudes in this regard. He can determine whether he remains in a vague climate of helplessness and hopelessness, or whether he decides to clarify his inner climate by properly formulating it and subsequently stating his desire to change this climate, to create a positive, entirely new attitude in this respect.

No one is more superstitious and fatalistic than the person who ignores the spiritual realities behind manifestation -- the materialistically oriented person. It is particularly he who believes in "luck" and "bad luck" because he cannot see beneath the surface. Since he refuses to conceive of it, he cannot perceive it. Neither can he see that he has an influence over those areas in which he appears to be "unlucky." The only way he can change them is by deep and honest self-confrontation, by the realization that there is a possibility to change, by the desire to do so, and by not shirking the effort that this requires.

When a person is involved in a negative magnetic field, he cannot press with his outer will to change it, but he must use the outer will in order to discover what this negative self-perpetuating field consists of, why it does exist, and what in him has created it, so that he will then automatically be able to institute a positive field.

As long as there is negativity and destructiveness in him, man must fear to let go of the outer, controlling ego. Since his destructiveness comes from a negative magnetic field and perpetuates it further, letting go of outer control means giving this uncontrolled force free reign. In this sense, then, his refusal to let go of the ego is an understandable protection and, within this limited framework, healthy. So it is understandable, my friends, when you fear to let go as long as there is a negative magnetic field in any area of your life. But you will not fear to let go when you use your volitional faculties to uncover in what specific area positive magnetic fields do manifest. And what are the specific areas of the negative magnetic fields. See this clearly and precisely. It is very important that you see the positive areas as well as the negative ones, and that you compare them. None of you has only negative magnetic fields. And when you compare these two ways of life, it will be much easier to have a relaxed attitude about uncovering the nature of the negative magnetic fields.

This, of course, is the nature of this work, but I would like you to focus on it with this more exact understanding in the context of what I have said today. You will then immediately understand the existence of the particular negative fields. You will see that you lacked this precise awareness. You will observe how you pressure ego energy into the wrong channel and you will be able to change the direction of this energy. The existence of these negative fields -- with all their destructive beliefs, thinking, feeling, and willing -- makes you fear giving up the little ego. You will understand why you fear happiness, why you fear letting go of the outer control. But once these magnetic fields are known and understood, they, thereby, already begin to weaken in effect, and a positive self-perpetuating magnetic field slowly comes into existence.

Wherever the positive fields are at work, (consciously or unconsciously) trust must exist. The more positive and the fewer negative energy fields exist in a human psyche, the greater must be the trust in the powers, in the energy fields which create your life, apparently quite apart from your volitional self. The more such trust exists, the less problematic will it be to give up the little outer self and let it flow and integrate with the inner, superior one, with all of its available forces and resources.

This is the only way trust in life, in self, in God can be established. For how can you let go of the little ego, with its tight control, if there is no trust? And how can trust in the universe be established in any other valid and genuine way than by correcting negative fields, with their repeating undesirable and painful patterns? To say you must trust in a God away from you is an impossible demand and is a completely meaningless command. It means nothing. But the trustworthiness of life, and therefore of God -- that is, of the cosmic universal powers and laws -- will be a self-understood matter when you understand how and why the negative fields work, why they exist, and that they need not exist. Even before they are transformed into positive ones, you will already know that in principle trust is justified; that underneath these negative fields something exists that can be trusted and activated by your outer mind, will, and thought orientation. The more this vaster power -- even underneath the strongest negative self-perpetuation -- is contacted, because it is in principle conceived in one's outlook, the easier it is to change the energy currents from destructive channels into constructive ones.

This is the only way the ego can become strong and healthy. This is the only way it can integrate with the inner being -- the utterly reliable inner being. It is this integration with the inner being which functions, as it were, in an indirect way. In this "indirect" way of functioning life happens effortlessly, yet you are not a passive recipient. Things do not happen for you, they happen with and through you, and make you automatically respond in an adequate way. When man wants to be left out of it and remain a passive recipient, he has not grasped the nature of life and the part he is to play. When he wants to take the reins too tightly, the same holds true. The ego cannot be shoved aside, nor must it be overburdened. For this balance to be established, it is essential that man first realizes that he possesses an inner being which can be activated. Otherwise, how can he fail to overburden the ego and charge it with tasks it is not equipped to execute? Only then is total and harmonious integration between the ego and the inner being possible.

This must be the way, my friends. This is the only way the integration, the trust, and the relaxed state of the inner, richer, wider being can manifest. Not in a way of escape, but in complete integration of ego with inner self.

Now, are there any questions?

QUESTION: What is the intermediary process for reaching the state of integration? Any particular process?

ANSWER: The particular process is the work of this path I have given and continue to give to my friends. It is self-recognition, which sounds like an easy word, my friend, but it is not so easy to do; for man is often governed by impulses and drives he can very glibly rationalize, but he truly knows nothing of their real nature. This deep self-recognition is a long and consistent path requiring the greatest courage of truthfulness with oneself. This is the only way possible that leads to this integration. There is no other way.

QUESTION: Lately I have had mental blocks. Whenever I concentrate and work and use the methods you just described, there is just a blank. It is very difficult to go through it, and very tiring, energy consuming. Can you help me in this?

ANSWER: In the first place, when you observe yourself very closely, you will find that when certain topics come up, topics that you want to discuss or meditate about, or even those that come to you from outside, you will feel an anxiety. First this anxiety may register only as a vague feeling of unrest, of impatience, irritation, and the like. Instead of immediately trying to penetrate it, or explain it away, rather put down some key words. Do this in writing. It is important to do so, because otherwise it eludes you so easily. Just what are these moments when you feel uneasy? What was the occasion? What fleeting thought passed through you when the camouflaged anxiety came up? Try to pinpoint it. Hold it fast. When you collect this over a period of a few days, or a week maybe, you will have a whole list. Out of this a clear pattern, a common denominator, will arise. It may be comparatively easy for you and your helper to see what this common denominator is. At any rate, you will soon sense an overall topic in which you block because you do not want to see the truth. State that it is unreasonable to evade the truth. It always is, and it causes needless suffering, burden, fear, and escape from the self. Once it is totally faced, relief and growth is possible. As you acknowledge that you fear the truth, you can then speak to yourself: "I will not do so. This is an irrational, illogical, unfounded fear. It has no foundation in reality. I will not give in to it. I will, I determine, I make up my mind to face whatever it is. And I request all the help to do so." When you thus determine with your outer, volitional self what this negativity is, the way will open again and the blocks will yield. If you cannot see the common denominator, and therefore the problem you are still reluctant to face, perhaps one session with the medium here may open the way. You can then go from there. Sometimes in one session of good and deep discussion such an opening can occur. If you can discover it without this, you will know the way automatically. You can also ask me again, and I will try to help you from another angle. Do you understand? Do you think you will do this?

COMMENT: I will work at it, I think I will...

ANSWER: If you say "I think I will," you are capable of observing how you deliberately block, even quite consciously. This is exactly where you have direct recourse with your outer will faculties. This block is not completely out of your reach, hence you are not a helpless victim. For it is within the realm of the possible for you to say, "I will do this" -- and mean it, too.

QUESTION: I think I have some very positive magnetic fields. And then there are some very unhappy ones. Now, where the ego is concerned, I have the feeling that either the ego runs the show, or it goes away completely. It is a sort of either/or business.

ANSWER: That is exactly what I meant in this lecture. You have a wonderful demonstration and example here and it is therefore good that you bring it out here, for it shows what I mean in an actual sense. Because the negative magnetic field exists, letting go of your ego is naturally dreaded by you. It appears as though you give yourself up to something dangerous. The other alternative is that you hold on too tightly, which, of course, is the problem.

It is therefore necessary that you now use the approach I outlined in this lecture, in which you, first of all, assert the fact: "Here is a negative field. This negative field need not exist. It is not something given to me by fate and which therefore cannot be changed. It can be changed, provided I understand exactly why the negative field exists, and what makes it a negative self-perpetuating process. Therefore I declare that I am going to build a positive field, which can only be done when my own negativity and destructiveness in this particular area is conscious. And I intend to see it. Where is my pleasure principle in this respect attached to a destructiveness? I intend to see this." This, then, will show you quite clearly how the energy is constantly regenerated through the pleasure principle attached to this negativity. This is the way you can go about it. As I have indicated in the past, a negative self-perpetuating field can only exist when the pleasure drive is negatively attached. Part of the resistance to correcting these unhappy areas is a hidden irrational fear, which expresses: "If I give up this entire structure, this entire field, with my negativity and the pleasure attached to it, then there will be no pleasure." It must be countered by the conscious, rational thinking self, once it is ascertained, that the pleasure is not being taken away. The pleasure can exist in infinitely better and more desirable ways attached to positive events, actions, thoughts, and feelings. In fact, man's natural, original state -- before distortions set in -- is to be in utter pleasure and positiveness.

COMMENT: Very often we put a false price in paying for pleasure. It is not necessary, there is no price.

ANSWER: Right, exactly. Any other questions.

QUESTION: I started with a new relationship and I think I can be very fond of this person ultimately. For one thing, I would like to be able to see that I am somehow appreciated by this person, more than I am actually. There is a compulsiveness in me about this relationship because I feel I can't progress more now than the pace of my work makes possible at this time and my still existing problems may impede the relationship and ultimately cut it off.

ANSWER: I will first answer the last part of your question. You fear that your still existing blocks will impede the relationship, and might even jeopardize or destroy it. Now this, of course, is perfectly true. It would not be honest if anyone were to tell you that this could not happen. But think of how much more this would happen, how people go through a lifetime when it constantly happens, again and again and again, until they become so bitter that they completely withdraw from living. Think of how much more painful it must be when one ascribes these occurrences to false reasons and how constructive your life is when you learn from everything you experience. For no one, absolutely no one, goes through life without destroying chances, because every single incarnated soul has unresolved problems and blocks. The healthy approach that I recommend would be this: "Yes, I have a problem here. It is very possible that my still existing problems might contribute to an imperfect relationship, which might finally cease. But this is life, altogether, and I intend to learn the utmost from everything and bring the most constructive attitude to what comes to pass." You also must know that you cannot be drawn to anyone who does not have equal problems -- more or less. Therefore the other person must be equally responsible if it does not work. It is not only your doing, it cannot be only your doing. It is neither your nor her doing exclusively, it must be both. When you feel that no other person can blunder and you feel guilty for not being "like others," then you will feel compulsive and over-anxious. But when you know that perfection does not exist and that no one can do more than his best in any given phase, you will be more relaxed. The most important thing is that you accept your present limitations, with all their consequences. This is a fundamental requirement to eliminate the limitation. In that spirit you can still derive a great deal of joy, ever increasing joy, out of each encounter, and each new contact will be an improvement, until you are no longer afraid of people, of contact, of love, of yourself. In this way you will derive more of a lesson, more help, and, also, you will contribute more to the other person which, in turn, will increase your security. With this attitude you will not be in illusion, you will not be in distortion, and you will see the reality and grow from what you see. It cannot be expected that these blocks disappear in one sweep. And yet you will get more pleasure out of such encounters than ever before. Do not think that on the other side of the fence are all other human beings and they have no problems, that they have complete relationships, never destroy anything while you are alone on this side. Do not think that if only you could quickly get this block away you, too, would be among the privileged ones. All people destroy constantly, inadvertently, on this sphere of human life. But this is not the end of the world. Mistakes are not the end of the world. If you look at it in this way and learn, you will not need to be so frightened.

When you know that every relationship is a mutual proposition, whether or not a relationship is good or does not work, it must be brought home to all who are involved. It cannot be a one-sided thing. Then you will also discover your own power. There is a strange and apparently paradoxical balance: the more egocentric the little child is, the more one-sidedly it expects only to receive. The weaker and the more helpless the person becomes, the more insecure and, at the same time, the more must he assume the total responsibility for failure. Since he experiences only his needs, his desires, and since only he counts, he cannot share the brunt of failure when it does not work. Nor can he be aware of the power he has to give to another person.

On the other hand, when egocentricity has been outgrown, and therefore the person experiences himself on an equal level, his concerns for the other must grow. This will automatically give him the feeling that he has as much power to make happy or unhappy as he hitherto ascribed to the other person exclusively. Hence he will feel much more secure. Since he is willing to give, he will feel entitled to receive. He will consequently feel that the responsibility is a shared one, rather than one that fluctuates between blaming the other and himself. When you do not come as a begging child to the other person, you will know your strength and your potential to give. This will enable you to use intelligence, observation, and intuition to distribute your forces between active and passive contributions to the relationship. It must give you the freedom and the proportion to realize that both are involved. If the other person were free from problems, this healthy state would overcome all difficulties, for this is the strength of health.

My dearest friends, the spiritual food I have offered you here can, indeed, be taken in by all of you. It can, indeed, enrich your possibility for expansion, be a helpful tool to find and determine where positive and negative magnetic fields exist, and to consider the possibility that the negative can be reversed if you truly desire this and are prepared to go through with it. Be blessed, my dearest ones. Be in peace. Be in God.

The Guide
by Eva Pierrakos
April 15, 1966

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